Inside-Out (20-20)
3/10/04 22:56![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ibonekoenOh my god, this is the last chapter. Thank you very much to everyone who's read and commented, I love feedback. ;-)
I hope you'll enjoy this final chapter, and I am working hard on getting the sequel finished so I can get that out to you. ^_^
The time until Casey has to go to dinner with his parents goes far too quickly, but the time until I can see him again seems to drag. I keep fiddling with the little box his ‘present’ is in, knowing it’s the cheesiest, most sappy thing I’ve ever done, and wondering if it’s TOO cheesy and sappy.
I open the box for the gazillionth time and look over the key I had cut for the house. It’s the key chain that’s really the important thing though. It’s a pewter oval, and I had ‘To Casey, love always, Zeke’ engraved on it. See? Cheesy.
It was kind of funny though. The guy at the engraving place started telling me how hot he thought it was when girls were named things like ‘Casey.’ Apparently an ex of his had been named that. I figured it was for the best that I didn’t correct the mistake.
I stuff the box back in my pocket as the doorbell rings, signaling the first guests for the party.
“Hey Zeke!” Stokely says, grinning as I open the door. She’s holding a brightly wrapped box, complete with a fluorescent green bow. Stan’s beside her and he nods.
“Hey man.” he says.
A black Thunderbird pulls up into the driveway just then and Charlie Gagliardi and several of his friends get out. Cool. The guest list is now up to nine, not counting Case.
“Dude, nice house.” Charlie says as he walks up to the door. He eyes Stokely, nodding at her. Stan gives him this glowering look.
I smirk in spite of myself.
“Thanks.” I respond with a nod. “Come on in. Beer’s in the fridge, or in the coolers out back. Other stuff, we’ll talk. Stokes, can I talk to you for a minute?”
“Yeah, sure.” Stokely says. She gives Stan a kiss on the cheek, then nudges him into the house. Charlie and the others head inside as well.
“So what’s up?” Stokely asks, looking at me curiously.
“You’re still okay about watching things while I go get Casey, right?” I ask, looking around and fidgeting nervously. “You look good, by the way.”
“Thanks, Zeke.” she says, smiling. “You look good too.”
She grins. “Yeah, don’t worry about things. I can handle it.”
“Did you ever figure out what to get him?” she asks.
I nod slightly.
“Yeah. I think so.” I ask, then pat my shirt pocket. I’m wearing a shirt with buttons. Thank god no one’s said anything. “You, uh, you wanna see?”
“Yeah, absolutely.” she says, nodding.
I take out the box, then open it and show her, fidgeting even more.
She grins as she looks at the key and reads the engraving. “Zeke, that is so cute!” she says. “Casey is going to love that.”
“You really think so?” I mumble, chewing my lower lip. It then dawns on me that I can’t remember if Casey’s actual birthday was yesterday or today. If it was yesterday, and I forgot. . . oh crap.
“Totally.” she says. She raises an eyebrow, staring at me strangely. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” I insist.
The next twenty minutes are torturous as I wait for the time when I told Casey I’d pick him up. Then I’m so nervous I grind the gears in my car twice while shifting. Fuck Zeke. Settle down.
Then of course, I trip on the stairs leading up to Casey’s house. Smooooooth.
I ring the bell.
The door opens and Casey smiles, his face a little flushed.
“Hi Zeke!” he says brightly.
His mother is standing a few feet behind him, watching us suspiciously.
“Hey.” I say, nodding and shoving my hands in my pants pockets. You know, normal, heterosexual guy stuff. “Hey Mrs. C.”
“Hello Zeke.” Mrs. Connor says. “Now where did you say you boys were going, Casey?”
“I didn’t.” Casey says. “Relax, Mom. It’s my birthday.”
“Hmph.” Mrs. Connor says in a disapproving tone. “No drinking. And no drugs.”
“Yes, Mom.” Casey responds in a monotone. “Don’t worry, Mom.”
“Hi Mr. Connor!” I call loudly into the house. Casey’s dad likes me. I think. “No worries, Mrs. C. It’s just some kids from school.”
“Hey Zeke!” Mr. Connor calls from the living room.
“Well, all right.” Mrs. Connor says reluctantly. She fusses over Casey, smoothing down his hair and brushing imaginary lint off his shoulders.
“Mom.” Casey protests, shrugging away from her. “We’ll see you later, okay? Bye Dad!”
“See you later, son!” Mr. Connor yells.
“Just be careful.” Mrs. Connor insists.
“Okay, okay.” Casey says, nudging me toward the door. “Bye.”
As soon as we’re out of Casey’s mom’s view, I put his hair back the way I like it.
“She’s lurking more than usual.” I observe. “Something happen?”
“I negotiated with Dad about my curfew.” Casey says. “She’s not happy.”
He glances at me. “I wanted to tell her so bad last night, Zeke, but I refrained.”
“I appreciate it, babe.” I respond. “Soon, okay? What’s your curfew? Aren’t you allowed to stay over tonight?”
Shit. That really blows.
“No, I’m definitely allowed to stay over tonight.” Casey says, grinning. “Mom tried to talk Dad out of letting me, but Dad likes you. No, I meant my curfew in general. I don’t have to be home at nine on school nights anymore.”
I laugh, feeling pretty proud of myself.
“Yeah, ‘cause how can you bang cheerleaders on school nights if you have to be home by nine.” I mutter gleefully as I start the car. That aspect of Casey telling his parents is going to suck: his dad is going to hate me.
Oh shit! Birthday! Say something!
“Happy birthday, by the way.” I say. Wait, he mentioned his birthday. . .does he know?
Casey grins. “Thanks.” he says.
I glance at him, then drive away from the house, wondering how much he knows. This is the problem with dating a genius: they figure things out really quickly.
Casey suddenly starts giggling. “It’s so funny.” he says. “Dad told me this morning now that I’m 18, it’s time for an important rite of passage. He’s taking me to a strip club next week.”
I take a moment to absorb that. Oh. . .oh god.
“That won’t be awkward at all.” I respond. “That’s. . .weird.”
“Yeah, tell me about it.” Casey says. “I’m trying to think of ways of getting out of going.”
“I think telling him you’re gay might do the trick.” I suggest flatly. “Although that might cause other problems. How do you think he’ll handle that?”
Casey hesitates, chewing the bottom of his lip. “I don’t know. He’ll probably freak out.” he says finally. “I can tell you how Mom will handle it.”
“Your mom won’t take a swing at you.” I say seriously, then exhale loudly. “Look, we’ll talk about this later. Right now. . .”
We turn onto my street, and I can immediately see someone hanging out one of the upper floor windows, shirtless. I sure hope that’s a guy.
Casey blinks, staring wide-eyed. He looks at me questionably. “Um. . .what’s going on at your place?”
“A, uh, party.” I say sheepishly as we get closer. “Surprise?”
“A party?” Casey says shyly. “For me? Wow. I just expecting something simple, you know. Me and you, snuggling.”
“But a party is cool too.” he adds hastily. “How’d you bribe people into coming? I didn’t think there were enough people at Herrington High that liked me to have a good sized party.”
“I didn’t do anything.” I insist. “I told Stokes and she told other people. The me and you snuggling happens after everyone leaves.”
I honk the horn to get the people congregating in the driveway out of my fucking way. Do I even know these people?
“Wow.” Casey says, glancing around at all the people. “I don’t think I know half of these people. I wonder what Stokely promised them.”
“Hot guys making out with each other?” I offer, grinning.
Casey laughs, turning red. “I hope not.” he says. “Making out in front of Delilah was one thing. . .I don’t know if I could do it with so many people watching.”
He opens his door as I put the car in park and shut the engine off, then he gets out, looking around.
“Hey Casey.” says a tall, sluttish-looking blonde. She smirks at me. “Hi Zeke.”
Damn. I should know her. I know I should know her. I think I fucked her one time.
“Hi Brooke.” Casey says nervously.
Ohhhh right. Now I remember. Sophomore year, girls’ bathroom, third stall. She’s one of the cheerleaders.
Shit, is this going to be an ‘I fucked Zeke Tyler’ reunion party? A bunch of girls testing me out to see if I’m really gay?
. . .
Sweet!
. . .
Casey must never know I just thought that.
“How’s it going, Brooke?” I ask, giving her a cool guy nod. “Having a good time?”
“Yeah.” Brooke says. “Nice place you got here. Wanna give me a tour?”
Casey clears his throat pointedly, giving her this catty, ‘back off, bitch’ look.
“Maybe later, Brooke.” I say immediately, taking the hint. “The birthday boy just got here. Right Case?”
“Right.” Casey says, still glaring at Brooke.
“Oh okay.” Brooke says, pouting a little. “Happy birthday, Casey.”
“Thanks.” Casey responds, scrunching up his nose and making a face at Brooke.
She gives him a ‘whatever’ look and walks away.
“Down babe. I’m all yours.” I mutter, putting my arm around Casey’s shoulders to try to calm him down. Not that I don’t like it when he gets riled up, but I’m thinking of him.
Of course, as soon as I start with the possessive body language, the other people on the driveway become immediately interested in what we’re doing. What? They never seen a gay couple before?
Umm. . . this is Herrington. Probably not. Wow this town sucks.
“I know.” Casey mutters as he leans into me. “I just. . .the way she was looking at you. . .argh.”
Then he notices the looks we’re getting and blushes. “Um. . .maybe we should head inside, yeah?”
“Whatever you want, babe.” I say, then give him a kiss on the cheek, just because people are looking and I like stirring up shit. The staring morons are definitely titillated.
Stokely’s standing in the doorway, her arms crossed over her chest as she stares amused at us. “Nice, Zeke. Very nice. Plan on putting on a show for the crowd?” she says.
She grins, hugging Casey. “Happy birthday, Case.”
“Thanks.” he says, returning her hug. “No shows. You’d have to get me reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally drunk.”
“Oooh, tempting.” Stokely teases, winking at me.
“Yo, Zeke, man, hook us up!” Charlie Gagliardi calls from the upper floor window. Oh, so it’s him that’s hanging out of the window like a moron.
I glance at Casey guiltily. Shit. Here it comes. Why are these idiots so absolutely brain dead when it comes to subtlety?
Casey just looks at me and shrugs. “Well, I should’ve figured that was what Stokes promised them.” he says.
“Fuckin’ Gagliardi.” Stokely hisses. “I’m gonna rip out his entrails.”
She ruffles Casey’s hair affectionately. “I’ll give you your gift later, okay?”
“You didn’t have to get me anything!” he insists, blushing. Stokely ignores him as she heads inside the house.
Casey glances at me, looking a little worried. “Do you think she’ll really rip out his entrails?”
“Nah. Probably just his balls.” I say with a grin. Then ruffle his hair too. “So, how drunk is really drunk?”
Casey blushes as he runs a hand through his hair. “Um, really, really drunk.” he says. “When you start having your way with me in front of others and I don’t push you away, you know I’m really drunk.”
He glances at me, smiling. “Thanks. For this party.”
“For you Case, anything.” I respond, the words coming out far more sappy than I intended. Shit, I’m gonna ruin this surprise too if I’m not careful.
So I drag him inside, get him drinking, and start seeing if he’ll push me away after two beers.
To my surprise, he doesn’t. In fact, he grabs a fistful of my shirt and pulls me closer, kissing me back aggressively.
Therefore, Casey is really, really drunk. See? Scientific.
And whoo hoo! I’m gettin’ some! If anyone bugs me for drugs right now, I’m going to scream.
“Oh my god, that is sooooo hot.” I hear a female voice say.
And so, of course, that startles Casey and he pulls away, his face bright red.
“Nooooo, don’t stop!” the girl whines.
I grin in spite of myself. Fag hag alert.
“I need to take a piss.” I announce. Hey, two beers, after all. I pat Casey’s knee, and shuffle off to the bathroom, calmly throwing out the couple banging in there. I need to pee. Fuck elsewhere.
As I exit the bathroom after I’m done, Stokely intercepts me. “Hey, dude, when are you giving Casey your gift?” she asks. “Because I was going to go ahead and give him mine. I don’t know, are you planning to do cake and ice cream or anything?”
She chuckles, grinning.
I blink at her.
“Shit. I knew there was something I forgot.” I grumble, then rub at my face. “Fuck.”
Stokely looks amused. “I knew I should’ve reminded you.” she says. “Stan and I can go pick one up, if you want. So you don’t have to leave Casey.”
“You’re the best, Stokes.” I say gratefully. “Thanks. I owe you.”
“Not a problem, Zeke.” Stokely says. “Any special requests or shall we just get whatever they have? My vote’s on chocolate cake.”
“I think Casey likes chocolate.” I say, trying to focus my eyes. Feeling drunk. Need more beer. “Or is that just chocolate sauce?”
Stokely snorts. “Too much information.” she says. “I’ll just get chocolate.”
She shakes her head, chuckling, then heads down the hall, looking for Stan.
I happily stagger down the hall, snag two more beers, and head back to the couch. . .why is there a girl on my couch next to Casey?
He looks very uncomfortable as she traces a figure eight on his chest with her fingernail.
“Zeke!” he cries, looking relieved as he spots me.
“Hi.” the girl says, batting her eyelashes at me. “I’m Amanda.”
“She’s in our Chemistry class.” Casey says, licking his lips.
“Mmm.” I respond, looking Amanda over. “Does that explain why she’s coming on to you? Hi Amanda. Don’t mind Casey. He’s a slut. He can’t help it.”
For fun, I press one of the cold beer bottles to the back of Casey’s neck.
Casey gasps, shivering. “Zeke.” he says. I think he meant for it to be more scolding, but it just came out breathy.
Which just makes Amanda stare more lustfully at Casey and me. “I’m not complaining.” she says.
“Mmm. Okay. Good.” I determine with a nod, then plop down on the couch between them before pulling Casey’s legs into my lap and hand him one of the beers.
“So Amanda, how come you’re hitting on my boyfriend?” I ask. Hooray! It’s a drunken game of twenty questions!
She giggles. “Because he’s cute, you’re hot and I’m drunk and horny.”
Casey, who had just taken a sip of his beer, ends up spraying it all over Amanda in shock. He blushes as he realizes what he did. “Um. . .sorry.” he says, looking mortified.
I laugh. I can’t help it. Did Casey actually just do a spit take?
“Funny. He never spits with me.” I say gleefully. Okay, now it’s a party.
Amanda wipes her face off, her smile looking a little strained. “Oh, it’s no big deal.”
Casey looks at me awkwardly as he takes another sip of his beer.
“This is a great party, Zeke.” Amanda says, flipping her hair over her shoulder.
“Oh? And why is that?” I ask, then gesture for Casey to sit in my lap. Why the fuck not? Get the whole school talking come Monday.
Casey hesitates for a moment and then slides into my lap. He drapes one arm around my shoulders.
“Free beer and maybe a chance to watch you two make out.” Amanda says, grinning. “What could be better?”
“What?” Casey says, looking wide-eyed.
“C’mon, Casey.” Amanda responds, rolling her eyes. “Do you have any idea how hot you two are together? I heard Delilah got a hell of a show the other day at school.”
“Oh my god.” Casey says, blushing.
I laugh again.
“Yeah, that was kind of the idea.” I admit, grinning. Why am I grinning, you ask? Because I’m about to do something very, very evil.
“So Amanda, do you want to kiss the birthday boy?” I ask.
Amanda raises her eyebrows, looking very, very interested. “Oooh hell yes.” she says.
“What?” Casey says, blinking. “Hey, wait, don’t I get a say in this?”
“Of course you do, baby.” I insist, stroking his arm. “So just say ‘yes’ and we’ll move things along.”
Casey shivers slightly. “Um. . .okay.”
“Hot.” I encourage, then slip my hand under his arm and work it around his waist, pretty much to hold him in place. “Okay Amanda. You heard him.”
Casey licks his lips hesitantly, then looks at Amanda, opening his mouth to say something.
She grins and runs her fingers through his hair as she kisses him hard. He tenses a little but kisses her back hesitantly.
Am I a horrible person for thinking this is totally sweet? Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to have Casey sit in my lap, because this is getting me hard. I hope he doesn’t have trauma from it.
Casey suddenly grins and squirms in my lap before kissing Amanda more aggressively.
. . .
Holy fuck, I think he’s slipping her the tongue.
Wait. Wait wait wait wait wait. Who said anything about tongue? I thought Casey didn’t like girls! Uh. . .what’s going on here?
Casey watches me out of the corner of his eye, shifting in my lap experimentally, pressing against my growing hardness as he kisses Amanda.
. . .
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Fucking awesome! He’s putting on a show!
I sneak my hand in between us and knead his ass, figuring I should give him something he actually enjoys. Fuck he’s hot. Casey Connor’s hot. I love Casey Connor. I’m going to spend all of fucking Monday writing “I love Casey” in the margins of my notes in Chemistry, and drawing little hearts around the words, because I’m so fucking tired of being a guarded jerk who’s more concerned about looking cool than having real feelings.
Casey moans, pressing back against my hand. Amanda moans too, because Casey is an awesome kisser.
Finally they have to break for air and Amanda stares wide-eyed at Casey. “Holy fuck, Zeke.” she says, glancing at me. “No wonder you’re with Casey. Fuck, and Delilah broke up with him? Bitch.”
Casey blushes, taking a big swig of his beer.
“Stupid bitch.” I agree, then hug Casey tighter with the arm I’ve got around him and kiss his shoulder. “He’s something, ain’t he? I totally don’t deserve him.”
Whooooooa, okay, thoughts are starting to become words. No more beer.
Amanda grins. “Awwwww. You guys are so cute together.”
At that moment, Stan and Stokely return with a big sheet cake and several gallons of ice cream.
“They were all out of chocolate cake.” Stokely says, pouting. “So I got a half vanilla, half chocolate one.”
Stan grins, rolling his eyes, as he carries the ice cream into the kitchen.
“Ooooh, cake.” Casey says, his eyes lighting up.
I take a moment to note that Stokely just saved my ass. Okay, she’s forgiven for putting me through am-I-gay-or-not hell.
“Hey, the cake goes both ways and so do I.” I respond oh-so-cleverly. “And oddly enough, Case can eat both of us!”
“Zeke!” Casey says, looking embarrassed as everyone around us laughs.
Stokely rolls her eyes, chuckling. “Good one, Zeke.” she says as she heads into the kitchen.
“What? It’s true!” I insist, resting my chin on Casey’s shoulder and adding my second arm to the reverse hug I’m giving him. “Besides, I’m drunk and obnoxious.”
Casey chuckles, leaning back against me. “And yet I love you.” he says. He turns his head, kissing my cheek. “Now feed me cake.”
People have already started converging in the kitchen. Word’s gotten around that the cake and ice cream have arrived.
“Oh ho ho!” I exclaim eagerly. “Well, okay. You asked for it!”
That’s it. I can’t wait anymore. It wasn’t the way I’d planned it, but. . .but I just can’t take it anymore.
I put my lips close to his ear and murmur “I love you too.”
His face lights up like a million watt light bulb as he looks at me with this big grin.
“Hey, no, back off!” I hear Stokely say as she makes her way into the room, holding a plate above her head. “Birthday boy gets the first piece.”
She grins as she comes over to the couch and hands the plate to Casey. “Happy birthday.”
Casey blinks at the piece of cake. “Jeez, Stokely, that’s, what, half the cake?” he says.
It is a pretty big piece of cake. Two scoops of chocolate ice cream accompany it and there’s a single lighted candle sitting in the middle of the cake.
“Enough for two.” Stokely says, grinning as she hands Casey a fork.
“Ah, no, I’m taking that.” I say, grabbing the fork. “Casey’s orders.”
I smile at Casey, feeling about as mushy as the icing on the cake. If I was the old me watching the new me right now, I’d probably gag. Man, the old me was an asshole.
“You gonna blow out the candle, babe?” I ask. I catch a couple guys in the corner saying something like “That’s just weird,” but ignore them. What the fuck do they know? Normal wasn’t working for me.
“Make a wish!” Stokely insists, grinning.
Casey blushes a little. Everybody’s got their eyes on us, he’s the center of attention. He glances at me and then closes his eyes, blowing out the candle.
“Yay!” Stokely cheers, clapping. A few others clap, probably out of politeness.
I stab the cake with the fork and break off a piece, then hold it up to Casey’s mouth for him to eat. The straights are definitely squirming now. In fact, the tone in the room is kind of becoming a buzz kill. Shit. Okay. If this keeps up, I’m dragging Casey off somewhere private and giving him my damned present. Now that I’ve wrecked part of it by opening my big mouth anyway.
Casey grins, closing his mouth around the fork and slowly dragging his teeth backwards. “Mmmm.” he says, winking at me as he chews the cake, then swallows.
Stokely looks amused, then heads back toward the kitchen, shoving aside one of the guys who’s staring uncomfortably at me and Casey.
I try to watch and enjoy the little cake display, but I can’t. The assholes are fucking with my mojo. Yeah, I know. I was one of the staring assholes when Delilah pulled that shit with Casey in the Quad. The irony isn’t lost on me. But I gotta get out of here.
“Maybe we should continue this somewhere more private?” I murmur softly to him.
Casey nods, grinning. “Yeah, sure.” he says. “Upstairs or down?”
“Fuck, the fucking roof for all I care.” I say with a shrug. “Just somewhere quieter.”
“Let’s go upstairs.” Casey says. “Your room. Hopefully nobody’s occupying it. . .”
“My room?” I ask, frowning a little. I haven’t actually used ‘my room’ in years. Casey knows that. What’s he getting at here?
Of course, someone is using it. So I throw them out. Ick, they didn’t get anything on the bed, did they?
The room itself is small, and is definitely a kid’s room. It’s showing signs of definite lack of use, but the make out session I just broke up got rid of a majority of the dust.
I glance over at the old teddy bear that’s a throwback to when I was a kid. His original purple coloring has faded to almost gray, and he’s missing an eye. It’s pretty much a metaphor to what happened to the kid I was back then.
Casey wanders around the room, looking at everything curiously. He brushes his fingers over the top of the teddy bear’s head, then the surface of the chest of drawers against one wall.
“It’s been a long time since anybody threw me a birthday party.” he says softly. “I think I was eleven or twelve. My parents just started taking me out to dinner instead.”
He glances at me, smiling. “Thank you. I’ve had fun so far.”
I smile back and nod, not wanting to sound flip or jerky. I’ve been trying to watch that around him since that argument.
“I think I stopped using this room when I was about thirteen.” I tell him, shrugging a little. “I don’t know. It just wasn’t me anymore. You’re welcome, by the way. It wasn’t exactly what I had in mind, but. . .”
I fiddle with the box in my pocket. Is this a good time to give it to him? I don’t know.
He grins. “Just having you tell me you love me was good enough.” he says.
He glances curiously at my pocket but doesn’t comment.
“It meant a lot,” he says, “to hear you say it.”
“Yeah, I, uh, I wanted to be sure.” I say awkwardly. I pause for a moment, then add, “I’m sure.”
I pull out the box, still not sure I’m doing this right.
“I, uh, I got you something.” I say haltingly. Gone is any of the cool guy bullshit. It’s just me now. Confused, insecure me. It’s kind of scary.
He looks curiously at the box, then up at me, smiling. He gently takes the box from my hand, then opens it.
His expression changes from one of curiosity to one of astonishment as he pulls out the key. “To Casey, love always, Zeke.” he reads aloud from the pewter oval.
He glances up at me, his blue eyes shimmering with tears. “Is this. . .is this what I think it is?”
I nod.
“I, uh, I know it’s not the greatest surprise in the world.” I admit, stuffing my hands in my pockets and curling into myself a little. “I mean, I know we talked about it already. I just, this way I can’t be a jerk and go back on it, you know? The ‘I love you’ thing? It’s engraved in metal. I can’t say I didn’t say it or didn’t mean it. I wanted to wait and tell you now but I couldn’t. Sorry.”
I shrug again, not sure what to make of the glistening in Casey’s eyes. Being honest about my feelings is a lot harder than being a macho jerk, and I’m pretty sure I’m screwing this whole thing up, the way I screw up practically everything. I mean, the only things in my life I’ve ever done right have all involved Casey.
“Don’t be sorry.” Casey insists. He blinks rapidly, grinning and sniffling. “Are you kidding? This is perfect, Zeke. This is. . .thank you. You don’t. . .there aren’t words. . .”
His eyes light up and then he closes the distance between us, raising up on his tiptoes to press his lips to mine, his arms winding around my neck. Somehow that one kiss, so passionate and intense, seems to convey all the emotions he couldn’t give voice to.
He’s openly crying now as he kisses me.
I haltingly put my arms around him, not entirely sure what’s happening, but he’s kissing me, so I guess it’s good. Perfect? No. It can’t be perfect, can it? Maybe perfectly imperfect? It’s somehow more real because things aren’t precisely the way they are in movies.
Casey called me ‘the contradiction’ once. I wonder if he still feels that way, because he’s pretty contradictory himself. He’s capable of a sort of bravery I’m not. He’s really his own person, whereas I just fake it. I do things to irk people. He does things because he wants to.
But he was hiding in a sense too, wasn’t he? Behind glasses and a ‘don’t notice me’ persona. But I always hoped there was more, probably because I was looking to be rescued from the trap I’d dug myself.
Eventually I break the kiss, and wipe the tears away from his face, studying him. I’m not sure I entirely understand the tears. Maybe I’m not supposed to. Or maybe it’s just relief. Because that look on his face that day in the quad when Delilah dumped him, so different from the one he has now, has an entirely new meaning for me now. I see it now as the look of someone who was trying really hard to be something he wasn’t. Something that was expected of him. And failing pretty horribly at it, the way I was failing at life before he came along.
Maybe. . .I don’t know. Maybe there’s hope for me yet. Maybe he’s right. Maybe it’s not too late. I’m not even twenty, for god’s sake. I guess that’s another lie we’re fed: that what you’re like in high school is indicative of what you’re going to become as an adult. High school is a bunch of morons pretending to be what they’re ‘supposed’ to be instead of who they are. What I’ve got right now, with Casey, this is real. It’s breaking some pretty serious rules, but it’s real. And it feels good.
“Don’t thank me, Case.” I say softly. Oddly, my own eyes feel like they’re tearing up a little. I definitely have a bit of a lump in my throat that I swallow against.
Casey chuckles, sniffling. “Okay, then I’ll thank Stokely.” he says. “Because I don’t know about you, but I don’t think I’d be standing here in this moment if she hadn’t pushed and prodded to get us together.”
He smiles. “My wish is well on its way to being fulfilled.”
“What was your. . .” I clear my throat and try again. “What was your wish?”
“Simply to be with you.” he says. “Forever or however long we can make it last. Nobody standing in our way, nobody stopping us.”
I smile a little. I can’t help it.
“People might stand in our way, Case. That doesn’t mean they’ll stop us.” I respond. “We saved the world together. How hard can saving each other be?”
I have a moment of clarity and frown thoughtfully.
“Wait. Don’t answer that.” I say quickly. “See, this is why you’re the brains of this operation.”
I grin again.
Casey laughs, then grins wickedly as he places his hands on the back of my neck and glances up at me. “So should we tell everybody the party’s over and kick ‘em out or do you think we could make enough noise to drive them away?”
I smile at him, but I suddenly don’t feel like being cheeky in response like I normally am. I kiss him instead, a gesture infused with feeling.
It’s not long before Casey gets his way, and we end up on the bed together. It feels different this time, like the last walls of my defenses have fallen.
No. No, that’s wrong. That would feel like a defeat. This feels like. . .like I’ve finally been freed from prison. Like I’ve walked out of the walls instead of having them smashed down. Like any newly freed man, I’m not entirely sure what I’m going to do with the rest of my life, and I feel a little lost, but I’ve got a pretty good feeling that no matter what happens, it’s going to involve Casey Connor.
Oh, and the Offspring. Have I mentioned how much I love that band?
I hope you'll enjoy this final chapter, and I am working hard on getting the sequel finished so I can get that out to you. ^_^
The time until Casey has to go to dinner with his parents goes far too quickly, but the time until I can see him again seems to drag. I keep fiddling with the little box his ‘present’ is in, knowing it’s the cheesiest, most sappy thing I’ve ever done, and wondering if it’s TOO cheesy and sappy.
I open the box for the gazillionth time and look over the key I had cut for the house. It’s the key chain that’s really the important thing though. It’s a pewter oval, and I had ‘To Casey, love always, Zeke’ engraved on it. See? Cheesy.
It was kind of funny though. The guy at the engraving place started telling me how hot he thought it was when girls were named things like ‘Casey.’ Apparently an ex of his had been named that. I figured it was for the best that I didn’t correct the mistake.
I stuff the box back in my pocket as the doorbell rings, signaling the first guests for the party.
“Hey Zeke!” Stokely says, grinning as I open the door. She’s holding a brightly wrapped box, complete with a fluorescent green bow. Stan’s beside her and he nods.
“Hey man.” he says.
A black Thunderbird pulls up into the driveway just then and Charlie Gagliardi and several of his friends get out. Cool. The guest list is now up to nine, not counting Case.
“Dude, nice house.” Charlie says as he walks up to the door. He eyes Stokely, nodding at her. Stan gives him this glowering look.
I smirk in spite of myself.
“Thanks.” I respond with a nod. “Come on in. Beer’s in the fridge, or in the coolers out back. Other stuff, we’ll talk. Stokes, can I talk to you for a minute?”
“Yeah, sure.” Stokely says. She gives Stan a kiss on the cheek, then nudges him into the house. Charlie and the others head inside as well.
“So what’s up?” Stokely asks, looking at me curiously.
“You’re still okay about watching things while I go get Casey, right?” I ask, looking around and fidgeting nervously. “You look good, by the way.”
“Thanks, Zeke.” she says, smiling. “You look good too.”
She grins. “Yeah, don’t worry about things. I can handle it.”
“Did you ever figure out what to get him?” she asks.
I nod slightly.
“Yeah. I think so.” I ask, then pat my shirt pocket. I’m wearing a shirt with buttons. Thank god no one’s said anything. “You, uh, you wanna see?”
“Yeah, absolutely.” she says, nodding.
I take out the box, then open it and show her, fidgeting even more.
She grins as she looks at the key and reads the engraving. “Zeke, that is so cute!” she says. “Casey is going to love that.”
“You really think so?” I mumble, chewing my lower lip. It then dawns on me that I can’t remember if Casey’s actual birthday was yesterday or today. If it was yesterday, and I forgot. . . oh crap.
“Totally.” she says. She raises an eyebrow, staring at me strangely. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” I insist.
The next twenty minutes are torturous as I wait for the time when I told Casey I’d pick him up. Then I’m so nervous I grind the gears in my car twice while shifting. Fuck Zeke. Settle down.
Then of course, I trip on the stairs leading up to Casey’s house. Smooooooth.
I ring the bell.
The door opens and Casey smiles, his face a little flushed.
“Hi Zeke!” he says brightly.
His mother is standing a few feet behind him, watching us suspiciously.
“Hey.” I say, nodding and shoving my hands in my pants pockets. You know, normal, heterosexual guy stuff. “Hey Mrs. C.”
“Hello Zeke.” Mrs. Connor says. “Now where did you say you boys were going, Casey?”
“I didn’t.” Casey says. “Relax, Mom. It’s my birthday.”
“Hmph.” Mrs. Connor says in a disapproving tone. “No drinking. And no drugs.”
“Yes, Mom.” Casey responds in a monotone. “Don’t worry, Mom.”
“Hi Mr. Connor!” I call loudly into the house. Casey’s dad likes me. I think. “No worries, Mrs. C. It’s just some kids from school.”
“Hey Zeke!” Mr. Connor calls from the living room.
“Well, all right.” Mrs. Connor says reluctantly. She fusses over Casey, smoothing down his hair and brushing imaginary lint off his shoulders.
“Mom.” Casey protests, shrugging away from her. “We’ll see you later, okay? Bye Dad!”
“See you later, son!” Mr. Connor yells.
“Just be careful.” Mrs. Connor insists.
“Okay, okay.” Casey says, nudging me toward the door. “Bye.”
As soon as we’re out of Casey’s mom’s view, I put his hair back the way I like it.
“She’s lurking more than usual.” I observe. “Something happen?”
“I negotiated with Dad about my curfew.” Casey says. “She’s not happy.”
He glances at me. “I wanted to tell her so bad last night, Zeke, but I refrained.”
“I appreciate it, babe.” I respond. “Soon, okay? What’s your curfew? Aren’t you allowed to stay over tonight?”
Shit. That really blows.
“No, I’m definitely allowed to stay over tonight.” Casey says, grinning. “Mom tried to talk Dad out of letting me, but Dad likes you. No, I meant my curfew in general. I don’t have to be home at nine on school nights anymore.”
I laugh, feeling pretty proud of myself.
“Yeah, ‘cause how can you bang cheerleaders on school nights if you have to be home by nine.” I mutter gleefully as I start the car. That aspect of Casey telling his parents is going to suck: his dad is going to hate me.
Oh shit! Birthday! Say something!
“Happy birthday, by the way.” I say. Wait, he mentioned his birthday. . .does he know?
Casey grins. “Thanks.” he says.
I glance at him, then drive away from the house, wondering how much he knows. This is the problem with dating a genius: they figure things out really quickly.
Casey suddenly starts giggling. “It’s so funny.” he says. “Dad told me this morning now that I’m 18, it’s time for an important rite of passage. He’s taking me to a strip club next week.”
I take a moment to absorb that. Oh. . .oh god.
“That won’t be awkward at all.” I respond. “That’s. . .weird.”
“Yeah, tell me about it.” Casey says. “I’m trying to think of ways of getting out of going.”
“I think telling him you’re gay might do the trick.” I suggest flatly. “Although that might cause other problems. How do you think he’ll handle that?”
Casey hesitates, chewing the bottom of his lip. “I don’t know. He’ll probably freak out.” he says finally. “I can tell you how Mom will handle it.”
“Your mom won’t take a swing at you.” I say seriously, then exhale loudly. “Look, we’ll talk about this later. Right now. . .”
We turn onto my street, and I can immediately see someone hanging out one of the upper floor windows, shirtless. I sure hope that’s a guy.
Casey blinks, staring wide-eyed. He looks at me questionably. “Um. . .what’s going on at your place?”
“A, uh, party.” I say sheepishly as we get closer. “Surprise?”
“A party?” Casey says shyly. “For me? Wow. I just expecting something simple, you know. Me and you, snuggling.”
“But a party is cool too.” he adds hastily. “How’d you bribe people into coming? I didn’t think there were enough people at Herrington High that liked me to have a good sized party.”
“I didn’t do anything.” I insist. “I told Stokes and she told other people. The me and you snuggling happens after everyone leaves.”
I honk the horn to get the people congregating in the driveway out of my fucking way. Do I even know these people?
“Wow.” Casey says, glancing around at all the people. “I don’t think I know half of these people. I wonder what Stokely promised them.”
“Hot guys making out with each other?” I offer, grinning.
Casey laughs, turning red. “I hope not.” he says. “Making out in front of Delilah was one thing. . .I don’t know if I could do it with so many people watching.”
He opens his door as I put the car in park and shut the engine off, then he gets out, looking around.
“Hey Casey.” says a tall, sluttish-looking blonde. She smirks at me. “Hi Zeke.”
Damn. I should know her. I know I should know her. I think I fucked her one time.
“Hi Brooke.” Casey says nervously.
Ohhhh right. Now I remember. Sophomore year, girls’ bathroom, third stall. She’s one of the cheerleaders.
Shit, is this going to be an ‘I fucked Zeke Tyler’ reunion party? A bunch of girls testing me out to see if I’m really gay?
. . .
Sweet!
. . .
Casey must never know I just thought that.
“How’s it going, Brooke?” I ask, giving her a cool guy nod. “Having a good time?”
“Yeah.” Brooke says. “Nice place you got here. Wanna give me a tour?”
Casey clears his throat pointedly, giving her this catty, ‘back off, bitch’ look.
“Maybe later, Brooke.” I say immediately, taking the hint. “The birthday boy just got here. Right Case?”
“Right.” Casey says, still glaring at Brooke.
“Oh okay.” Brooke says, pouting a little. “Happy birthday, Casey.”
“Thanks.” Casey responds, scrunching up his nose and making a face at Brooke.
She gives him a ‘whatever’ look and walks away.
“Down babe. I’m all yours.” I mutter, putting my arm around Casey’s shoulders to try to calm him down. Not that I don’t like it when he gets riled up, but I’m thinking of him.
Of course, as soon as I start with the possessive body language, the other people on the driveway become immediately interested in what we’re doing. What? They never seen a gay couple before?
Umm. . . this is Herrington. Probably not. Wow this town sucks.
“I know.” Casey mutters as he leans into me. “I just. . .the way she was looking at you. . .argh.”
Then he notices the looks we’re getting and blushes. “Um. . .maybe we should head inside, yeah?”
“Whatever you want, babe.” I say, then give him a kiss on the cheek, just because people are looking and I like stirring up shit. The staring morons are definitely titillated.
Stokely’s standing in the doorway, her arms crossed over her chest as she stares amused at us. “Nice, Zeke. Very nice. Plan on putting on a show for the crowd?” she says.
She grins, hugging Casey. “Happy birthday, Case.”
“Thanks.” he says, returning her hug. “No shows. You’d have to get me reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally drunk.”
“Oooh, tempting.” Stokely teases, winking at me.
“Yo, Zeke, man, hook us up!” Charlie Gagliardi calls from the upper floor window. Oh, so it’s him that’s hanging out of the window like a moron.
I glance at Casey guiltily. Shit. Here it comes. Why are these idiots so absolutely brain dead when it comes to subtlety?
Casey just looks at me and shrugs. “Well, I should’ve figured that was what Stokes promised them.” he says.
“Fuckin’ Gagliardi.” Stokely hisses. “I’m gonna rip out his entrails.”
She ruffles Casey’s hair affectionately. “I’ll give you your gift later, okay?”
“You didn’t have to get me anything!” he insists, blushing. Stokely ignores him as she heads inside the house.
Casey glances at me, looking a little worried. “Do you think she’ll really rip out his entrails?”
“Nah. Probably just his balls.” I say with a grin. Then ruffle his hair too. “So, how drunk is really drunk?”
Casey blushes as he runs a hand through his hair. “Um, really, really drunk.” he says. “When you start having your way with me in front of others and I don’t push you away, you know I’m really drunk.”
He glances at me, smiling. “Thanks. For this party.”
“For you Case, anything.” I respond, the words coming out far more sappy than I intended. Shit, I’m gonna ruin this surprise too if I’m not careful.
So I drag him inside, get him drinking, and start seeing if he’ll push me away after two beers.
To my surprise, he doesn’t. In fact, he grabs a fistful of my shirt and pulls me closer, kissing me back aggressively.
Therefore, Casey is really, really drunk. See? Scientific.
And whoo hoo! I’m gettin’ some! If anyone bugs me for drugs right now, I’m going to scream.
“Oh my god, that is sooooo hot.” I hear a female voice say.
And so, of course, that startles Casey and he pulls away, his face bright red.
“Nooooo, don’t stop!” the girl whines.
I grin in spite of myself. Fag hag alert.
“I need to take a piss.” I announce. Hey, two beers, after all. I pat Casey’s knee, and shuffle off to the bathroom, calmly throwing out the couple banging in there. I need to pee. Fuck elsewhere.
As I exit the bathroom after I’m done, Stokely intercepts me. “Hey, dude, when are you giving Casey your gift?” she asks. “Because I was going to go ahead and give him mine. I don’t know, are you planning to do cake and ice cream or anything?”
She chuckles, grinning.
I blink at her.
“Shit. I knew there was something I forgot.” I grumble, then rub at my face. “Fuck.”
Stokely looks amused. “I knew I should’ve reminded you.” she says. “Stan and I can go pick one up, if you want. So you don’t have to leave Casey.”
“You’re the best, Stokes.” I say gratefully. “Thanks. I owe you.”
“Not a problem, Zeke.” Stokely says. “Any special requests or shall we just get whatever they have? My vote’s on chocolate cake.”
“I think Casey likes chocolate.” I say, trying to focus my eyes. Feeling drunk. Need more beer. “Or is that just chocolate sauce?”
Stokely snorts. “Too much information.” she says. “I’ll just get chocolate.”
She shakes her head, chuckling, then heads down the hall, looking for Stan.
I happily stagger down the hall, snag two more beers, and head back to the couch. . .why is there a girl on my couch next to Casey?
He looks very uncomfortable as she traces a figure eight on his chest with her fingernail.
“Zeke!” he cries, looking relieved as he spots me.
“Hi.” the girl says, batting her eyelashes at me. “I’m Amanda.”
“She’s in our Chemistry class.” Casey says, licking his lips.
“Mmm.” I respond, looking Amanda over. “Does that explain why she’s coming on to you? Hi Amanda. Don’t mind Casey. He’s a slut. He can’t help it.”
For fun, I press one of the cold beer bottles to the back of Casey’s neck.
Casey gasps, shivering. “Zeke.” he says. I think he meant for it to be more scolding, but it just came out breathy.
Which just makes Amanda stare more lustfully at Casey and me. “I’m not complaining.” she says.
“Mmm. Okay. Good.” I determine with a nod, then plop down on the couch between them before pulling Casey’s legs into my lap and hand him one of the beers.
“So Amanda, how come you’re hitting on my boyfriend?” I ask. Hooray! It’s a drunken game of twenty questions!
She giggles. “Because he’s cute, you’re hot and I’m drunk and horny.”
Casey, who had just taken a sip of his beer, ends up spraying it all over Amanda in shock. He blushes as he realizes what he did. “Um. . .sorry.” he says, looking mortified.
I laugh. I can’t help it. Did Casey actually just do a spit take?
“Funny. He never spits with me.” I say gleefully. Okay, now it’s a party.
Amanda wipes her face off, her smile looking a little strained. “Oh, it’s no big deal.”
Casey looks at me awkwardly as he takes another sip of his beer.
“This is a great party, Zeke.” Amanda says, flipping her hair over her shoulder.
“Oh? And why is that?” I ask, then gesture for Casey to sit in my lap. Why the fuck not? Get the whole school talking come Monday.
Casey hesitates for a moment and then slides into my lap. He drapes one arm around my shoulders.
“Free beer and maybe a chance to watch you two make out.” Amanda says, grinning. “What could be better?”
“What?” Casey says, looking wide-eyed.
“C’mon, Casey.” Amanda responds, rolling her eyes. “Do you have any idea how hot you two are together? I heard Delilah got a hell of a show the other day at school.”
“Oh my god.” Casey says, blushing.
I laugh again.
“Yeah, that was kind of the idea.” I admit, grinning. Why am I grinning, you ask? Because I’m about to do something very, very evil.
“So Amanda, do you want to kiss the birthday boy?” I ask.
Amanda raises her eyebrows, looking very, very interested. “Oooh hell yes.” she says.
“What?” Casey says, blinking. “Hey, wait, don’t I get a say in this?”
“Of course you do, baby.” I insist, stroking his arm. “So just say ‘yes’ and we’ll move things along.”
Casey shivers slightly. “Um. . .okay.”
“Hot.” I encourage, then slip my hand under his arm and work it around his waist, pretty much to hold him in place. “Okay Amanda. You heard him.”
Casey licks his lips hesitantly, then looks at Amanda, opening his mouth to say something.
She grins and runs her fingers through his hair as she kisses him hard. He tenses a little but kisses her back hesitantly.
Am I a horrible person for thinking this is totally sweet? Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to have Casey sit in my lap, because this is getting me hard. I hope he doesn’t have trauma from it.
Casey suddenly grins and squirms in my lap before kissing Amanda more aggressively.
. . .
Holy fuck, I think he’s slipping her the tongue.
Wait. Wait wait wait wait wait. Who said anything about tongue? I thought Casey didn’t like girls! Uh. . .what’s going on here?
Casey watches me out of the corner of his eye, shifting in my lap experimentally, pressing against my growing hardness as he kisses Amanda.
. . .
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Fucking awesome! He’s putting on a show!
I sneak my hand in between us and knead his ass, figuring I should give him something he actually enjoys. Fuck he’s hot. Casey Connor’s hot. I love Casey Connor. I’m going to spend all of fucking Monday writing “I love Casey” in the margins of my notes in Chemistry, and drawing little hearts around the words, because I’m so fucking tired of being a guarded jerk who’s more concerned about looking cool than having real feelings.
Casey moans, pressing back against my hand. Amanda moans too, because Casey is an awesome kisser.
Finally they have to break for air and Amanda stares wide-eyed at Casey. “Holy fuck, Zeke.” she says, glancing at me. “No wonder you’re with Casey. Fuck, and Delilah broke up with him? Bitch.”
Casey blushes, taking a big swig of his beer.
“Stupid bitch.” I agree, then hug Casey tighter with the arm I’ve got around him and kiss his shoulder. “He’s something, ain’t he? I totally don’t deserve him.”
Whooooooa, okay, thoughts are starting to become words. No more beer.
Amanda grins. “Awwwww. You guys are so cute together.”
At that moment, Stan and Stokely return with a big sheet cake and several gallons of ice cream.
“They were all out of chocolate cake.” Stokely says, pouting. “So I got a half vanilla, half chocolate one.”
Stan grins, rolling his eyes, as he carries the ice cream into the kitchen.
“Ooooh, cake.” Casey says, his eyes lighting up.
I take a moment to note that Stokely just saved my ass. Okay, she’s forgiven for putting me through am-I-gay-or-not hell.
“Hey, the cake goes both ways and so do I.” I respond oh-so-cleverly. “And oddly enough, Case can eat both of us!”
“Zeke!” Casey says, looking embarrassed as everyone around us laughs.
Stokely rolls her eyes, chuckling. “Good one, Zeke.” she says as she heads into the kitchen.
“What? It’s true!” I insist, resting my chin on Casey’s shoulder and adding my second arm to the reverse hug I’m giving him. “Besides, I’m drunk and obnoxious.”
Casey chuckles, leaning back against me. “And yet I love you.” he says. He turns his head, kissing my cheek. “Now feed me cake.”
People have already started converging in the kitchen. Word’s gotten around that the cake and ice cream have arrived.
“Oh ho ho!” I exclaim eagerly. “Well, okay. You asked for it!”
That’s it. I can’t wait anymore. It wasn’t the way I’d planned it, but. . .but I just can’t take it anymore.
I put my lips close to his ear and murmur “I love you too.”
His face lights up like a million watt light bulb as he looks at me with this big grin.
“Hey, no, back off!” I hear Stokely say as she makes her way into the room, holding a plate above her head. “Birthday boy gets the first piece.”
She grins as she comes over to the couch and hands the plate to Casey. “Happy birthday.”
Casey blinks at the piece of cake. “Jeez, Stokely, that’s, what, half the cake?” he says.
It is a pretty big piece of cake. Two scoops of chocolate ice cream accompany it and there’s a single lighted candle sitting in the middle of the cake.
“Enough for two.” Stokely says, grinning as she hands Casey a fork.
“Ah, no, I’m taking that.” I say, grabbing the fork. “Casey’s orders.”
I smile at Casey, feeling about as mushy as the icing on the cake. If I was the old me watching the new me right now, I’d probably gag. Man, the old me was an asshole.
“You gonna blow out the candle, babe?” I ask. I catch a couple guys in the corner saying something like “That’s just weird,” but ignore them. What the fuck do they know? Normal wasn’t working for me.
“Make a wish!” Stokely insists, grinning.
Casey blushes a little. Everybody’s got their eyes on us, he’s the center of attention. He glances at me and then closes his eyes, blowing out the candle.
“Yay!” Stokely cheers, clapping. A few others clap, probably out of politeness.
I stab the cake with the fork and break off a piece, then hold it up to Casey’s mouth for him to eat. The straights are definitely squirming now. In fact, the tone in the room is kind of becoming a buzz kill. Shit. Okay. If this keeps up, I’m dragging Casey off somewhere private and giving him my damned present. Now that I’ve wrecked part of it by opening my big mouth anyway.
Casey grins, closing his mouth around the fork and slowly dragging his teeth backwards. “Mmmm.” he says, winking at me as he chews the cake, then swallows.
Stokely looks amused, then heads back toward the kitchen, shoving aside one of the guys who’s staring uncomfortably at me and Casey.
I try to watch and enjoy the little cake display, but I can’t. The assholes are fucking with my mojo. Yeah, I know. I was one of the staring assholes when Delilah pulled that shit with Casey in the Quad. The irony isn’t lost on me. But I gotta get out of here.
“Maybe we should continue this somewhere more private?” I murmur softly to him.
Casey nods, grinning. “Yeah, sure.” he says. “Upstairs or down?”
“Fuck, the fucking roof for all I care.” I say with a shrug. “Just somewhere quieter.”
“Let’s go upstairs.” Casey says. “Your room. Hopefully nobody’s occupying it. . .”
“My room?” I ask, frowning a little. I haven’t actually used ‘my room’ in years. Casey knows that. What’s he getting at here?
Of course, someone is using it. So I throw them out. Ick, they didn’t get anything on the bed, did they?
The room itself is small, and is definitely a kid’s room. It’s showing signs of definite lack of use, but the make out session I just broke up got rid of a majority of the dust.
I glance over at the old teddy bear that’s a throwback to when I was a kid. His original purple coloring has faded to almost gray, and he’s missing an eye. It’s pretty much a metaphor to what happened to the kid I was back then.
Casey wanders around the room, looking at everything curiously. He brushes his fingers over the top of the teddy bear’s head, then the surface of the chest of drawers against one wall.
“It’s been a long time since anybody threw me a birthday party.” he says softly. “I think I was eleven or twelve. My parents just started taking me out to dinner instead.”
He glances at me, smiling. “Thank you. I’ve had fun so far.”
I smile back and nod, not wanting to sound flip or jerky. I’ve been trying to watch that around him since that argument.
“I think I stopped using this room when I was about thirteen.” I tell him, shrugging a little. “I don’t know. It just wasn’t me anymore. You’re welcome, by the way. It wasn’t exactly what I had in mind, but. . .”
I fiddle with the box in my pocket. Is this a good time to give it to him? I don’t know.
He grins. “Just having you tell me you love me was good enough.” he says.
He glances curiously at my pocket but doesn’t comment.
“It meant a lot,” he says, “to hear you say it.”
“Yeah, I, uh, I wanted to be sure.” I say awkwardly. I pause for a moment, then add, “I’m sure.”
I pull out the box, still not sure I’m doing this right.
“I, uh, I got you something.” I say haltingly. Gone is any of the cool guy bullshit. It’s just me now. Confused, insecure me. It’s kind of scary.
He looks curiously at the box, then up at me, smiling. He gently takes the box from my hand, then opens it.
His expression changes from one of curiosity to one of astonishment as he pulls out the key. “To Casey, love always, Zeke.” he reads aloud from the pewter oval.
He glances up at me, his blue eyes shimmering with tears. “Is this. . .is this what I think it is?”
I nod.
“I, uh, I know it’s not the greatest surprise in the world.” I admit, stuffing my hands in my pockets and curling into myself a little. “I mean, I know we talked about it already. I just, this way I can’t be a jerk and go back on it, you know? The ‘I love you’ thing? It’s engraved in metal. I can’t say I didn’t say it or didn’t mean it. I wanted to wait and tell you now but I couldn’t. Sorry.”
I shrug again, not sure what to make of the glistening in Casey’s eyes. Being honest about my feelings is a lot harder than being a macho jerk, and I’m pretty sure I’m screwing this whole thing up, the way I screw up practically everything. I mean, the only things in my life I’ve ever done right have all involved Casey.
“Don’t be sorry.” Casey insists. He blinks rapidly, grinning and sniffling. “Are you kidding? This is perfect, Zeke. This is. . .thank you. You don’t. . .there aren’t words. . .”
His eyes light up and then he closes the distance between us, raising up on his tiptoes to press his lips to mine, his arms winding around my neck. Somehow that one kiss, so passionate and intense, seems to convey all the emotions he couldn’t give voice to.
He’s openly crying now as he kisses me.
I haltingly put my arms around him, not entirely sure what’s happening, but he’s kissing me, so I guess it’s good. Perfect? No. It can’t be perfect, can it? Maybe perfectly imperfect? It’s somehow more real because things aren’t precisely the way they are in movies.
Casey called me ‘the contradiction’ once. I wonder if he still feels that way, because he’s pretty contradictory himself. He’s capable of a sort of bravery I’m not. He’s really his own person, whereas I just fake it. I do things to irk people. He does things because he wants to.
But he was hiding in a sense too, wasn’t he? Behind glasses and a ‘don’t notice me’ persona. But I always hoped there was more, probably because I was looking to be rescued from the trap I’d dug myself.
Eventually I break the kiss, and wipe the tears away from his face, studying him. I’m not sure I entirely understand the tears. Maybe I’m not supposed to. Or maybe it’s just relief. Because that look on his face that day in the quad when Delilah dumped him, so different from the one he has now, has an entirely new meaning for me now. I see it now as the look of someone who was trying really hard to be something he wasn’t. Something that was expected of him. And failing pretty horribly at it, the way I was failing at life before he came along.
Maybe. . .I don’t know. Maybe there’s hope for me yet. Maybe he’s right. Maybe it’s not too late. I’m not even twenty, for god’s sake. I guess that’s another lie we’re fed: that what you’re like in high school is indicative of what you’re going to become as an adult. High school is a bunch of morons pretending to be what they’re ‘supposed’ to be instead of who they are. What I’ve got right now, with Casey, this is real. It’s breaking some pretty serious rules, but it’s real. And it feels good.
“Don’t thank me, Case.” I say softly. Oddly, my own eyes feel like they’re tearing up a little. I definitely have a bit of a lump in my throat that I swallow against.
Casey chuckles, sniffling. “Okay, then I’ll thank Stokely.” he says. “Because I don’t know about you, but I don’t think I’d be standing here in this moment if she hadn’t pushed and prodded to get us together.”
He smiles. “My wish is well on its way to being fulfilled.”
“What was your. . .” I clear my throat and try again. “What was your wish?”
“Simply to be with you.” he says. “Forever or however long we can make it last. Nobody standing in our way, nobody stopping us.”
I smile a little. I can’t help it.
“People might stand in our way, Case. That doesn’t mean they’ll stop us.” I respond. “We saved the world together. How hard can saving each other be?”
I have a moment of clarity and frown thoughtfully.
“Wait. Don’t answer that.” I say quickly. “See, this is why you’re the brains of this operation.”
I grin again.
Casey laughs, then grins wickedly as he places his hands on the back of my neck and glances up at me. “So should we tell everybody the party’s over and kick ‘em out or do you think we could make enough noise to drive them away?”
I smile at him, but I suddenly don’t feel like being cheeky in response like I normally am. I kiss him instead, a gesture infused with feeling.
It’s not long before Casey gets his way, and we end up on the bed together. It feels different this time, like the last walls of my defenses have fallen.
No. No, that’s wrong. That would feel like a defeat. This feels like. . .like I’ve finally been freed from prison. Like I’ve walked out of the walls instead of having them smashed down. Like any newly freed man, I’m not entirely sure what I’m going to do with the rest of my life, and I feel a little lost, but I’ve got a pretty good feeling that no matter what happens, it’s going to involve Casey Connor.
Oh, and the Offspring. Have I mentioned how much I love that band?
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4/10/04 03:39 (UTC)In all, the whole fic resonates of two kids doing the thinking teens do which leads to growing up.
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4/10/04 10:35 (UTC)(no subject)
5/10/04 16:47 (UTC)(no subject)
5/10/04 17:00 (UTC)(no subject)
13/10/04 14:26 (UTC)